


Can't Help Falling In Love

by RiaMalhotra



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 17:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiaMalhotra/pseuds/RiaMalhotra
Summary: Jongin and Sehun are best friends. Through the passing years with each other, Jongin began falling for Sehun. But Sehun refuses to accept his feelings and starts doing everything he can to help him get rid of those feelings, it’s another thing that he fails at and Jongin falls more.





	Can't Help Falling In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to the mods for accepting my prompt! 
> 
> Second, I am REALLY sorry but this is unbeta’ed, though I have given it once over after finishing, but I am not sure about the mistakes. Sorry for spelling/ grammatical mistakes. (FayeValentine, thank u so much for the help. Even though it was small, its very much appreciated!)
> 
> Third, the paragraphs in the middle in italics are a part of future happening along with confession.
> 
>  
> 
> # Prompt - Self Prompt
> 
> Pairing: Jongin/ Sehun
> 
> Rating: -na-
> 
> Word Count: 7988
> 
> Warnings: dub con (it’s not explained clearly though, just a few words! You have to squint your eyes to find it).

 

 

 

_“The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.”_

 

Nicholas Sparks

 

°°°°

 

_“…You remember how you cried that night and told me that you love someone and as stupid I was, I tried to ignore, I ignored it thinking that you were talking about someone else, that you are already over me. It should have never mattered to me, but it did you know? Because I cried that night too and I knew that I couldn’t deny it anymore, Nini. I knew that I couldn’t hide it anymore, I have fallen more than I could have ever imagined."_

 

_“I really can’t help but fall in love with you, Jongin. And now, I want nothing more than for you to forgive me and...” He stops as he walks toward the younger male, who is still crying, still covering his mouth with his delicate hands. “Hopefully I can hear a ‘yes,’ from you.”_

 

_He stops and drops the mike as he takes Jongin’s soft and delicate hand, marveling at how unlike his own more calloused and rough. Holding his slim hand in his, he kneels in front of the younger male. “Will you be my boyfriend, Jongin?”_

 

Jongin didn’t remember the first time that he started feeling like this way, but suddenly the small, simple, and innocent touches of Sehun started making him feel more than any of his past _lovers_ ever did. A small touch of Sehun’s fingertips on his bare skin was enough to light a spark of something beautiful within him. It literally knocked the air out of his lungs and suddenly Jongin started feeling short of breath whenever Sehun even leaned into him, usually doing nothing more than kiss his forehead and his eyelids. Sehun had been doing so since they met, still it felt like the action was different. Now it felt as if it held some meaning to it, like a symbol of _forever_ now came with it.

 

Maybe it was when Sehun rescued him from his father’s torture or when he saw Sehun for the first time, holding a gun — _even when the gun was fake, a toy to be more specific_ — to his father’s head. He looked more powerful and strong than anyone else Jongin had ever seen at that moment. Or maybe it was when Sehun had smiled at him, appearing so handsome and so angelic, or maybe the first time Sehun had kissed him on forehead started giving him a hint of feelings. Needless to say, the kiss and every other since had given Jongin a sense of security and comfort around the older male.

 

Jongin’s life was more like a hit drama with recurring cliché plots. He was born in a shabby apartment, with an equally shabby and dysfunctional family. His two older brothers, died before he was six. The oldest one in a feud with another local hoodlum, the other brother of starvation. When Jongin reached the age of eight, he realized that there’s a word called _suicide_ because his mother committed that. She was tired of her husband’s violent tendencies toward her and her son. Sometimes Jongin thinks his mother never loved him in the first place, because if she did then she wouldn’t have left him with the same violent man who drove her to suicide, _alone_. She didn’t hesitate to think about him for a single second. Jongin was nine when his father actually hit him with his belt, not through any fault of Jongin’s, but because his father had no money to buy another bottle of the drink that he loved.

 

Since then, Jongin had always been suffering.

 

 

 

_Jongin first met Sehun when he was coming back from the supermarket. The man was there with his own group of friends, looking for all the world like the stereotypical popular guy without a care in the world. Maybe it was because he had never seen someone as handsome as Sehun before, but Jongin tripped on air and managed to drop his local brand of cheap cooking oil on Sehun's shoes. His clumsiness followed gasps and Jongin had stepped back when most of the people in the group had shouted at him and called him names. Surprisingly Sehun stayed silent in favor of staring at Jongin with his sharp eyes._

 

_“I am not a monster, you don't need to scare him away.” He had said and his words followed gasps from the people of the group hanging around him. They tried to ask Sehun why he wasn’t upset, but he ignored them all, though his eyes never left Jongin’s scared form. “What's your name kid?” He had asked but Jongin never replied. He was too busy scrambling to his feet and sprinting away, scared that the man would report the incident to his father._

 

_Sehun never did._

 

 

 

 

_The second time they met was when Jongin was passing by the same school he dreamed of attending one day. The key word being dreamed, because the tuition cost more than Jongin could ever imagine. As luck would have it, Sehun was out of school at school time, hanging around with a few others boys, drinking, and smoking. The scene was enough for Jongin to immediately realize exactly what type of boy Sehun really was. The rich and bratty son of a rich businessman. The older boy had looked up at that moment and stared, stared until Jongin began walking away from the school. Sehun had perked up then and he followed him._

 

_“Hey, kid!”_

 

_“Where do you think you are going?” The taller asked, grabbing him by a hold on his wrist, his hold gentle, much gentler than Jongin was used to. It scared him but also gave him some relief too, at least there's one person who isn't dangerous, yet._

 

_“I am s-so sorry… I w-will wipe i-it away… with my shirt but, p-please… don't tell a-appa about it.” Jongin pleaded, his eyes tightly shut as if to stem the flow of oncoming tears._

 

_It wasn’t until Sehun emitted a sound of confusion that Jongin opened his eyes, and was greeted with the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. “I don't know what you’re talking about, but I am not going to do whatever you’re imagining.” He reassured. “I just want to ask your name?” He asked and shrugged when Jongin looked at him with wide eyes._

 

_“W-why?”_

 

_“It’s simple, I want to be your friend.” He answered as if it's the most obvious thing in the world._

 

_“F-friend?” Now that’s something new to Jongin._

 

_“Yes, friend.” Sehun chuckled and Jongin frowned, fear already gone._

 

_“Do you see yourself?” He asked, pointing a finger at him and then pointing at himself. “And can you see this?” He added. Jongin is insecure, he has scars and bruises, some of them are even visible on his face and he knows he is ugly. Uglier than anyone may have ever seen and now that a handsome guy like this man or boy, whatever he is, is asking him to be friends...it feels unreal, like a joke. Like Sehun is mocking him._

 

_The response he received from Sehun was unexpected though. “Why? What's the problem with me?” He asked and Jongin stared at him with his mouth hung open. “I think I look…. pretty good?” Sehun muttered as he gave himself a once over. “Am I not good enough?” He asked, looking at Jongin with wide and confused eyes._

 

_Jongin decided that day that the boy was actually stupid._

 

 

 

 

_The third time they met was when Jongin had snuck out of his apartment at two in the morning because Sehun had told him to meet him at that time. He didn't know why he even agreed, but Sehun had made a promise that he would be there waiting for Jongin. He knew that people are capable of breaking promises, and from time to time he himself did, but Sehun was different._

 

_“Hey, buddy.” Sehun had greeted with a wide, gentle smile._

 

_Hours passed when they were together and Jongin almost forgot about his abusive father. It only came to his mind when Sehun started telling him about his own family. Sehun’s family wasn’t like his. He has a loving family, parents that cherish him, his siblings, and everyone they meet. Long story short, Sehun is loved by everyone, unlike him._

 

_When Sehun asks him about his family, Jongin didn’t reply right away instead he took the time to gaze at the rising sun._

 

_“I have no family.” It’s not entirely a lie, his mother and brothers are no longer alive, and his father...even if he is technically alive, there is nothing more to him than a dead shell of a human being. A monster, maybe a zombie..._

 

_The thought made Jongin want to laugh. His father would have a more fulfilling life if he were a zombie._

 

_Sehun didn’t say anything and Jongin was glad because his silence was understanding._

 

 

 

_Sehun had asked Jongin to come to meet him again. Jongin had replied an enthusiastic ‘Yes!’ It’s another broken promise because Jongin wasn’t able to arrive at the fixed time and date. His father had beaten him black and blue, leaving him unable to walk, much less go anywhere that day. He had cried himself to sleep because for once he wanted to do something but failed._

 

 

 

 

_The next time they met was one week later when Jongin was still covered in bandages, his hands, wrists and his legs (his neighbor’s son had kindly helped him out, Jongin didn't bother to stay at Taemin's house more than five minutes because he knew that Taemin likes him and probably wanted more than just a simple 'Thanks’). It wasn't really serious, because Jongin knew that he could walk at least now. His movements were slow and body occasionally swaying with dizziness. He was out to buy his father his favorite drink, needless to say, that his father didn't care about his condition. At All._

 

_Sehun saw him first and Jongin didn't even have one minute to understand anything when Sehun had pulled him somewhere silent, a dark alley, Jongin guesses. Sehun’s eyes were furious and wild when he had looked at Jongin up and down, his gaze lingering on the prominent bruises on the younger’s body. A pained whimper had escaped his lips when Sehun had dug his fingers in the flesh of his waist. Jongin was scared, he didn't want Sehun to see him like this, he never wanted to._

 

_He was hundred percent sure that Sehun will disgust him now-_

 

_-except he didn't._

 

_“Who did this to you?” Sehun asked with a low growl. Jongin was not sure or maybe he was hallucinating but he saw something in Sehun’s eyes. He didn't know what it was, maybe pain, hatred, shame or something else which he couldn't pinpoint through his blurred eyes._

 

_“Nothing, it's nothing.” He replied._

 

_“I am asking again, Jongin. Who the fuck did this to you?”_

 

_“And I said it's NOTHING! Didn't I?!”_

 

_Sehun was silent as he stared at Jongin for two long minutes (never in his life he had thought that it will be this painful to look in someone else's eyes, Sehun was making him feel everything for the first time and for that - Jongin was scared, a lot). He already lost focus and every fucking nerve in his body was in pain._

 

_“And you think I would believe that bullshit?” Sehun slowly asked his voice more like a whisper but question demanding of an answer, a truth._

 

_“It's not like you have any other option.” He whispered back, his words sharp, edgy and pained. He smiled a little, thinking if this was going to be the last time to meet then why not end it on good terms? “It's nothing, o-okay? I-I just fell and this…. happened.” It felt like an eternity when Sehun finally broke their gaze and stepped back. His jaw was clenched and hands in tight fists._

 

_Jongin felt that pain within himself that he was sure never existed until now, neither his brothers nor his mother's death and nor his father's beatings gave him this much pain. He gulped and stepped back, and with a small whisper, a quiet 'goodbye’ turned around, to run away and cry his heart out as he was doing since the start, but was surprised when he felt two strong arms encircling his waist in a firm hold._

 

_“I am sorry, I am sorry… I was waiting for you there Jongin. The whole fucking night. I don't know why but I did wait, I lied to my parents my friends and every fucking person who had asked me where I was going just… to meet you and you were not there and I was sacred, so so scared.” Sehun turned him around and wiped his tears away. “You have no idea what was happening. You don't know how I was feeling. You know this is all fucked up since the start. I never thought that I would want someone in my life like... so, so desperately.”_

 

_“I don't know what to say, Jongin? But I want you with me and when I finally found you after a whole fucking week, I found you like… this? Do you have any idea how scared I am?”_

 

_“Why?” It was barely a whisper but Jongin was sure that Sehun heard it loud and clear in the silence of the abandoned alley._

 

_“I don't know. I really don't know?” He answered, sincerity was lacing his words and Jongin had no idea if he should cry or smile. “I just want you with me, I don't know why, but I want you with me since... since I first saw you and for forever.”_

 

 

 

 

_They met again and again after that day, Jongin was growing close to the older male and vice versa, he hoped that at least. Jongin didn't tell him about his life back at home even after two months of their 'friendship’. Jongin was happy, undeniably happy with Sehun. Every single second spent with the older male was a blessing for him, the only way out of a hellish life he left behind for few hours._

 

_Sehun was persistent in asking him about his bruises and all and sometimes it did annoy Jongin. Several times they fought but in the end only to come back together as if they were magnets, pulling each other close. Attracting and engraving themselves in each other's heart. But Jongin was still scared that one day will come and Sehun would finally realize what type of worthless person Jongin really is._

 

_He silently hoped the day to never come._

 

_Sehun had started a new habit. Kissing his forehead and eyelids, sometimes his cheeks too, the warmth and security around the older male almost felt surreal. Sehun never explained why he does that, and Jongin never asked why. Needless to say that he wanted good things and beautiful feelings to stay with him as long as they can._

 

 

 

 

_It happened the next time when Sehun found him in the same situation - bruised and broken, limply walking around. Sehun didn't ask (even though Jongin knew that the older male was dying to ask him) him that day, instead followed the younger male towards his home, without his knowledge. A few minutes later when Jongin was finally home and was beaten into a pulp (because apparently, Jongin had forgotten the time he took to buy his father his drink), that Sehun appeared with a 'gun’ in his hand. Jongin was well aware that it was a toy but Jongin’s father was too drunk to notice that, and the man had retreated back, swearing at Jongin and Sehun, when Sehun had pulled an almost unconscious Jongin in his arms to run away from the 'monster’._

 

_When he woke up the next time he was in an unknown room and he had panicked but then Sehun appeared and that fear disappeared. Sehun wasn't looking apologetic at all, but if possible, proud of himself. When Sehun had leaned in and kissed his forehead and told him that, “everything's going to be alright.” Jongin believed him and cried._

 

Jongin knew that it wasn't just admiration for the older male but something else, something more dangerous and something more _painful_. Jongin had no idea if Sehun felt that same, at all. Jongin had no one in his life, except Sehun. _To trust, to believe and to love._ So he actually felt his _actual_ heartbreak when on his seventeenth birthday, Sehun unintentionally gave him a _surprise_.

 

 

_It was Jongin’s seventeenth birthday and so the younger male insisted to Sehun to go to the famous club just outside of the city - His first mistake of that night. It was a famous club and Jongin was hearing about the mentioned club from his friends and their older lovers. Sehun agreed, of course, but only on one condition and that was that he wasn't going to drink. Jongin agreed of course, but Jongin thinks that God didn't want that same thing, at least for him._

 

_When they finally settled there, Sehun had introduced him to his own group of best friends - Irene, Chanyeol, Yifan, and Junmyeon. Sehun, until the late hours of the night (Jongin believes it was more than twelve already), didn't admit that he was courting Irene. And when he did, Jongin actually felt as if his world was turned upside down, he felt as if he was hit by a sledgehammer. He didn't believe it at first - trying to believe that whatever Sehun said was nonsense because the man was drunk - only to be proven wrong when Sehun left the bar for one of the private rooms with Irene, probably to do something that Jongin still called himself juvenile for._

 

_Jongin broke another promise that night, he believed that maybe a drink will soothe his nerves and aching heart. Drinks after drinks when he finally felt dizzy, he found himself in one of the private rooms with one of the older friends of Sehun, Lutan or Lugan or Luhan (or Jongin doubted if there was something else too), he didn't remember._

 

_When the next morning came he woke up with an ache up his spine and lower half, he realized that he actually lost something (something on which he had control) to someone who he didn't even know, or remember the name of. Luhan (the older male gave him his name, later in the morning, again with a warm smile on his face and a devious glint in his eyes) the man, six years older than him, helpfully guided him back to his shared home (much like Sehun’s mansion) the next afternoon. Even though Luhan behaved warmly, Jongin did admit that he didn't want that. Much less with someone, he didn't even know._

 

_Sehun didn't ask him about his night, or what happened to him the same night he left Jongin alone with Irene, instead talked about how he was going to make his “new relationship work! It will be the first time, but I want it to work it with Irene!”_

 

_However, Jongin missed the fact that Sehun wasn't smiling and there wasn't any excitement in the elder’s voice, in between his own tremor and heartbreak. His tone was monotone and gaze settled on Jongin - full of longing and love._

 

_Luhan proposed to him the same evening and Jongin agreed. He agreed because he didn't know what to do other than that. Luhan, of course, used him as much as the man’s heart desired, only to throw him out of his life a few weeks later when he grew bored of him - “seriously stop being such an innocent kid for fuck’s sake. Well, it was my mistake all along, for dating some dumpster like you in the first place!”_

 

Jongin didn't look back since then and dated anyone who asked him out, allowed them to use _and_ allowed them to throw him out of their lives in the end. Jongin believed it's all alright, a day would come and someone would accept _him for him._

 

Jongin didn't look back - or at least _that's_ what he thought.

 

****

 

_“You remember the first time I saw you like that? Bruised, broken and in pain? After a whole week, after a whole week when I was practically dying to meet you?”_

 

_“The first time I found the truth, you don't know Jongin, how scared and nervous I was. I panicked and the only solution I came up with was a toy gun, I wasn't sure if it was going to work or not but I was ready to take chance and if anyhow it had failed, as shameless as it sounds, I was planning on beating your father black and blue.”_

 

 

Sehun remembers that evening. When he found Jongin in _that_ situation, he was covered in bruises, his wounds covered under large baggy shirt that he was wearing and under large trousers. He was _limping_ and Sehun found him _like that a whole week later, a week later after their promised meeting._ He shouldn't even care about someone who he didn't even meet more than twice but he did and it came with a _heartbreak._ He remembers that night when he fought with Yifan because he wasn't able to pull out a truth out of Jongin’s mouth. He remembers how he fought with his own best friend because he wasn't able to say what he wanted to Jongin. He remembers how he cried when he had pulled Jongin away from that monster, how Jongin was breathing hard and was in pain.

 

And for the first time in his life, Sehun hated the fact that he wasn't able to show his emotions as he wanted to.

 

 

_“You remember the first time that you genuinely smiled and laughed with me when I have burned the coffee that I was making when you woke up the next day in my arms? I don't know if you remember it or not or if you noticed it or not. But I still have that picture I took of you and pinned it to my drawing room’s wall.” Sehun smiled looking around the hall before settling his gaze back on Jongin. Jongin was never fond of the crowd, but Sehun wanted everyone to know that if it ends well, 'Jongin will be his!’. Chanyeol says its possessiveness, but Sehun doesn't mind, because when it comes to Jongin he wants to be possessive._

 

_“There are more. You know why I didn't allow you to go in that room? I will tell you. It was because I was scared that you would freak out, because really and truthfully I would too if I found a room full of my photos more than anything else there. From the morning face to the goofy smile to the crying face to the laughing ones and the ugly ones too which you called ugly but they were anything but ugly for me.”_

 

 

Sehun used to think that he had a great control over his heart _and_ his emotions. Seriously _that's_ what he was hearing since the start, he believes it was even before when he reached ten. He was actually laughed at for the _same thing_ because people believed that he didn’t know how to react to a certain situation. He believed that too.

 

Until he saw something or rather _someone._ It was all those _nonsense_ things that he felt when he saw _him._ He remembers what the actors said when he used to watch the sappy dramas with his previous girlfriends –

 

_“You hear the music. And no, no one plays that one, it's just as if it's made by our own mind and maybe our heart? I don't know, but it just happens. You feel as if some invisible force knocked you off, turned your world upside down within a few seconds and it's funny to know that it sometimes happens even when we didn't hear a word from their mouth. And when we actually do hear, it feels as if you never heard something more melodious than that, it's much beautiful than anything else. You look into their eyes and you see something that you never saw in someone else, maybe its love? Maybe it's future or maybe it's just an image of you and them - together. It just happens, and you don't even know what and when but my friend you know the first moment you look at them and you feel that feeling that you've never felt before then you know you have fallen in love with just one look. That as much as you want to deny is your love - the thing we call 'love at first sight’, you know you can't get enough of them no matter how hard you try or how much you deny, because friend that's love.”_

 

It was so, _so_ silly but Sehun still managed to feel them when he first saw Jongin. _Funny,_ Sehun _never_ felt those emotions in any of his past _serious relationships._

 

Jongin was like a bright light in his _monotone_ and _dark_ life. Being one of the sons of the richest businessman in South Korea was not a guarantee of a fantastic and a _not-so-alone_ life, because apparently, everyone wanted him either for his money or for his good looks. Finding someone who was far away from these distractions or someone who wanted _him for him_ was nearly impossible. Sehun already lost hope, well until Jongin happened. He didn't even know why he felt something like that for someone who he didn't even see for more than a few times, but there was _something_ in those beautiful brown orbs (fearful at _that_ moment), and that face which made him — _as much as wanted to deny_ — feel something for the very first time in his entire nineteen years of life.

 

Junmyeon had _sarcastically_ called it _'love at first sight’_ and Sehun had laughed because _“there's nothing like love' at first sight in the first place!”_

 

 

_“You remember? The time when you cried that night because your nightmares were back even when it was already more than five months since I took you away from your father. I don't know if you remember it or not, or if you were fully conscious or not. But that night when I held you in my arms and kissed your wet cheeks and sweaty forehead, and brushed your bangs aside and you just sleepily smiled at me, as if thanking me for pulling you away from the monster. You know what? That night made me realize that I want to protect you with all my heart.”_

 

_“I was scared because I never felt something like that for anyone, much less for a male. I was such a coward, you know? I regret every fucking second of my decisions.”_

 

 

Sehun always called himself a coward, even though he was a well-known _'rich bratty bully’_ of the school and an equal _'rule breaker’_ , smoking cigarettes, and drinking (he thinks he was pretty addicted to them) at hours of school. He was still a coward when it came to stand against _life._ Smoking and drinking, he always knew was the only way to set himself free from all those expectations of his family and his school. _Bullshit!_ He used to think and everything seemed perfect and _right._ Jongin came as an unexpected halt.

 

He didn't know when or how or even why, but it happened. He remembers the first time Jongin saw him outside of the school, smoking and drinking, he remembers the frown and a slight look of surprise and _disgust_ on the younger male's face. It was enough, as those looks literally gave him goosebumps and a strange sense of fear settled in his heart. He stopped doing them — _smoking and drinking_ — the very next day after Jongin saw him.

 

When Jongin started living with him — _even though Sehun knew how much uncomfortable the boy was in the start, was scared about everything —_ and gave him charming smiles and shy laughs, Sehun became _addicted_ to them. He remembers when Jongin used to cry at night because his nightmares were practically swallowing him up, how Jongin lived like a curled ball inside his bedroom _every single minute_ of the day because apparently he was scared that his father would come back to beat him black and blue. He remembers how much it used to _break_ his heart when Jongin’s trust wavered at _him_ too.

 

He didn't know then why the hell was he such an ignorant man, to realize what was actually happening with him.

 

 

“ _You remember the first time I dropped you off at school and you asked me to help you find your class even though you knew where it was? You remember how you held my hand tightly and intertwined our fingers later as if scared that I will let you go? Junmyeon later told me that you trust me.” He stopped, wiping his almost teary eyes with the back of his hand. “T-that you know and believe that if anything happens, anything bad happens, I will be there to protect you. That if you feel alone and weak and if someone even tries to harm you, I will be there to fight for you.”_

 

_“You remember the time when I came back from college and told that you were trying to prepare dinner for us? I know, I know you are still embarrassed about it. I remember how you didn't answer when I called you from hallway until I called you the fifth time, and you replied me that you were in kitchen. You remember when I found you curled in a corner of the kitchen, crying and I was so fucking scared but the only answer you gave me was that you are ashamed of yourself because you weren't able to prepare our dinner?”_

 

_“You remember the moments when we spend hours to prepare the same dish - together? Do you remember how homey it had felt? I am sure you did, but I guess in the end I was the oblivious one because even if I did feel, I tried to ignore it - again.”_

 

 

Sehun remembers the day when he dropped Jongin at his new school — _the one Jongin wanted to go, Jongin told him —_ he remembers how Jongin was a nervous wreck because apparently, he thought other students won't accept him. How Jongin had intertwined their fingers and held it tightly by his side. _Sehun remembers how he wasn't able to focus on anything else, he remembers how he wasn't able to see anything which wasn't Jongin._ He remembers how much impossible it had felt to not run away from there and somewhere _safe_ , somewhere (maybe home) and hide Jongin away from those eyes and in his arms. He remembers how much _empty_ — _as much as funny it sounds —_ he had felt when he left Jongin at the school and was going back to his college without the familiar sound of shy laughs beside him in the car.

 

He remembers the night when he came back from college to home and was immediately greeted with the sight of crying Jongin, sitting in the farthest corner of the kitchen, kitchen a heavy mess but it didn't matter because he was scared if someone tried to harm the younger male. When he had asked Jongin about it, the younger male had told him, _“I am like trying to make something s-since I came back from school and nothing's working... I only made a mess and nothing else. Somehow I even managed to burn the rice!”_ Sehun had laughed and teased the younger male throughout the next few hours.

 

Sehun had heard it from his mother, has been _told_ by his older sister that he shouldn't fall for someone. If he does feel anything like _that_ for someone, he _should_ ignore it and move on with life - _“it may be difficult which solely depends on how much you love them, but you have to know, that you have to let go. You are Oh Jaejoong’s son and as much as you want to deny it and run away from it, you know that in the end you will be married off to a pretty girl for business benefits. So remember and engrave it in your mind, don't get attached. If you feel something, run away.”_ Irene was just a way to get those things out of his mind for some days, at least because Sehun was getting _attached_ to Jongin.

 

Before Irene and after _actually trying_ to date Irene for the next two weeks, Sehun was back to sleeping around and started engaging himself in luxurious activities — _Jongin hated it_ — from what Sehun knows, but Sehun ignored it because Jongin was never alone but with some guy _this_ day and some other guy the _other_ day.

 

 

_“You remember the first time you introduced your… first love to me - Luhan? You remember how much I tried to tell you that he isn't a good guy. It doesn't matter if he is one of my close friends, but I knew that he is a cheater and he doesn't believe in keeping people. You remember how you didn't bother to even look at me at that time? You remember, the moment where I found you being kissed by him the very next day when I told you to stay away from the man?”_

 

“ _You remember the day when he shouted at you and insulted you in front of everyone in the cafe? You probably remember.” He whispered as a tinge of pain shot through his heart along with an undeniable anger for the mentioned male, as Jongin looked down, tears falling out of his eyes. “You remember how… how I fought with him? You remember, when you told me that I kept my promise and saved you from him?”_

 

_“The other ones too. Jongin, maybe I never said this to you before but you can't deny that I always wanted to keep you away from bad stuff and bad people. I am older than you and I've seen life more than you and I know what type of people are around us. Remember the time when I first slapped you just because…” He stops, wondering if it's alright to bring out a topic like that in between so many students._

 

_He decides to not to, more than anything else the topic's sensitive for Jongin and he doesn't want to show up cruel for someone who he loves more than anything or anyone else._

 

_“Remember the first time that you finally confessed to me?”_

 

 

Jongin had just turned eighteen that day, the birthday was celebrated between closet friends of theirs—Junmyeon, Chanyeol, and Yifan—not that there were no more but Jongin was not comfortable around anyone else than _them_. Hours after the midnight when they were left alone and _drunk_ and were sitting on Sehun’s bed, stargazing, Jongin had uttered those words. It was a small _sincere_ whisper of _“I love you”_ to him _and it left Sehun feeling… kind of funny, if he is to be honest._

 

_Jongin was more drunk than him and was already damn near close to sleeping, his back leaning flush against Sehun’s chest, as his eyes fluttered shut within a minute or two after the unexpected… confession._

 

_While Jongin was peacefully sleeping, probably dreaming a beautiful dream, Sehun remained wide awake, repeating the same words in his head like a mantra. It’s not like Sehun never heard those words from others for him, he was in a lot of relationships, in the past and had a fair share of experience of a love life. The words and experiences he shared with his past lovers suddenly started sounding funny to him. It’s needless to say that they were meaningless but they — his past lovers — never sounded past time to him before Jongin came in his life._

 

_'I love you’ did Jongin mean it in 'that’ way? Or was it just to thank him, something like in brother’s kind of love? When he turned around and stared back at Jongin’s sleeping face he realized one thing - he was in love with Jongin, what type of love — whether it was in 'that’ way or in brother kind of love — he didn't know, yet._

 

_Jongin was someone, who was impossible to not fall in love with and Sehun was one of them - Jongin, unconsciously, had him wrapped around his tiny finger and Sehun was just a step or two behind in admitting his feelings, in 'that’ way._

 

 

_“Sure you don't remember it, you were drunk. Jongin, I don't know if you even remember that time when Junmyeon asked you about the person you admire the most and can spend your entire life with them, you replied my name. We all were drunk and I thought you don't even know what you are speaking, then Junmyeon told me that it was an honest reply because somehow he saw the feeling in your eyes and... the suppressed sigh of love when you whispered when my name.”_

 

 

“I am not lying though,” Junmyeon begins, after a brief silence of a few minutes between him and Sehun. The younger male is leaning against the wall staring up at the evening sky. Junmyeon stares down as he stomps the cigarette with his show clad foot, grumbling a curse under his breath. “I-I mean, I don't know why you never noticed that, but sometimes it seems so funny you know, the way he looks up at you, it's admiration for you but there's _that_ emotion too.” He shrugs, running a hand through his hair. “Sometimes fate gives us chance but we're too blind to see it.”

 

“Do you think I don't notice how he looks over at me?”

 

“I don't know, alright? I am not God or something. Sometimes more than anything else or even his behavior toward you, the only thing that makes me gag is the way _you_ stare at _him._ Sometimes it's creepy, seriously. It feels as if you want to cage him in and never-”

 

“-never let go?” He finishes and then nods. “Yeah, I do feel like that, so what? You guys look like as if you want to _eat him_ -”

 

“Oh God, Sehun don't be dramatic alright? Even though he is sexy as hell, we do know our limits dude. So just calm down, I am not going to lie that I didn't see him in _that_ way sometimes but I am a grown ad-”

 

“-Do me a favor and shut up.”

 

Junmyeon only sighs in annoyance. A minute later a smirk crawls up the man’s lips. “You know what? Do something about him, yeah. Otherwise, I am there to snatch him away.”

 

“I dare you to do that,” Sehun snarls, shoving him against the wall as he walks past the man and toward the main road. Junmyeon’s loud laugh blooms in the silent road and he rolls his eyes - he knew Junmyeon was just messing with him.

 

 

 

Sehun’s _concept_ about staying close with Jongin for _everyone_ was same - _stay away from him until Sehun says otherwise._ He was not manipulative, of course, but according to his _'mission’_ to protect someone as precious as Jongin to him didn't allow him to allow strangers to barge in Jongin's life when Sehun knew that their _only_ purpose was to mess up the younger boy’s life. There was an odd sense of _something_ with the knowledge that Jongin belonged to _him._ He didn't and he never forced Jongin to do or not do anything which Jongin didn't want to, he left Jongin as he wanted to, with his freedom but the knowledge that at the end of the day Jongin always came back to him and no one else was oddly satisfying.

 

The knowledge that if something bothers Jongin, the younger male comes to him, the trust Jongin has on him, makes him feel as if Jongin is his responsibility. More than _that_ it makes him feel _loved._

 

_“Ya know what?” Chanyeol begins, apparently he can't shut his mouth up. “You should do it, before it's too late,” Junmyeon and Yifan nod at the younger’s words, seemingly satisfying the ego Chanyeol lives on._

 

_Sehun sighs, closing his laptop because he knows that there's no chance of him finishing his article when his friends have already started speaking. “Do what?” He asks back, dropping his body on his fluffy bed, face first, voice a little muffled._

 

_“Propose Jongin or what,” Yifan answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the entire universe. He sighs internally, lying on his back as he stares at his friends as if they have grown a second head._

 

_“Means to give a chance to Jongin to laugh at me after slapping me?”_

 

_“I don't understand you Sehun,” Junmyeon begins. “You love him, the kid loves you. What's the problem with it?” Problem is, that Sehun has no idea if the 'signs’ they are reading are correct or not. Sure Jongin is a gay, the boy is dating guys after guys, much to Sehun’s displeasure but, does he love 'Sehun’ in that way at all?_

 

 _“There's no wrong in trying dude and it's not like you don't love him.”_ Sehun didn't know that falling in love with the boy he met unexpectedly met was going to be that much easy. _“Yeah, I love him.” He sighs. “And there's no harm in trying.” Excitement runs through his veins as he wonders if in future there's any chance of him calling Jongin his boyfriend._

 

 

_Cafeteria buzzes with excitement and Sehun can practically feel the excitement running through the veins of the students sitting there. However Jongin is nowhere to be seen, Junmyeon assured him almost an hour ago that it was going to be Jongin’s break. He stands on the bench awkwardly, mike still in his hand and with every passing second his hold on the device turns tight. When minutes passed in nothing but silence, he feels tear gathering in his eyes, students start whispering but he doesn't bother to hear them and when he thinks that he's finally going to lose it, Jongin steps inside._

 

_There's confusion written over his pure and delicate features as he awkwardly shuffles inside with his classmates and Sehun thinks there's no better chance than this, so he begins —_

 

_“Hey, Jongin.” He gulps nervously, biting his lower lip in embarrassment as Jongin looks over at him. The younger boy frowns, but a smile grows on his thick lips and that's all he needs to get his shit back. It’s funny how Jongin makes him feel so in control._

 

 

“You guys, I swear if Jongin ends up slapping me, I _am_ going to murder you all and run away to America.” Sehun blurts out, nervously adjusting his tie as he stands up on the bench, students stare up at him with various emotions - dazed the most common one but Sehun doesn't pay them any attention, already repeating in his mind to not mess this all up.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Junmyeon waves him off with a roll of his eyes at the youngest. “Just, just do it yeah? Nothing wrong can happen Sehun, either he will answer a yes or no and _nothing else,_ dude.” The older pats his thigh once and after smiling proudly at him once walks out of the cafeteria.

 

 

_Silence followed his words and he nervously opens his eyes, staring straight into Jongin’s. The younger male is stiff on his spot, though if Sehun’s right, there's a hint of a shy smile on his lips. He inhales sharply once before starting their shared past. “You remember the first time I saw you like that? Bruised, broken and in pain? After a whole week, after a whole week when I was practically dying to meet you?”_

 

_“The first time I found the truth, you don't know Jongin, how scared and nervous I was. I panicked and the only solution I came up with was a toy gun, I wasn't sure if it was going to work or not but I was ready to take chance and if anyhow it had failed, as shameless as it sounds, I was planning on beating your father black and blue.”_

 

 

 _“Dude, ya know what?”_ Baekhyun grins and Sehun rolls his eyes at the older man. Baekhyun is his cousin, a better sibling than his own sister, the older man understands him more than anyone else. And for the Sehun’s always grateful about. _“Money and reputation come and goes… like this.” The man continues, swinging his hand back and forth, Sehun doesn't understand what does that mean. “But you know that someone who's willing to stay by our side until our death, until forever. We shouldn't let them go.”_

 

 _“So, don't listen to them yeah?” Sometimes Sehun hates Baekhyun because the older man understands him so much that his words sound as the most comforting thing he’d ever heard._ Sometimes it feels as Baekhyun answers are the easiest solution for every single one of his problems.” _“Not everyone's lucky, ya know?”_

 

 

_Guilt fills up his heart for his own foolishness for not understanding Jongin. The younger boy was so in love with him and he hopes he still is, for he’s not strong enough to handle the pain of being rejected when he's realized that he finally is in love. “…You remember how you cried that night and told me that you love someone and as stupid I was, I tried to ignore, I ignored it thinking that you were talking about someone else, that you are already over me. It should have never mattered to me, but it did you know? Because I cried that night too and I knew that I couldn’t deny it anymore, Nini. I knew that I couldn’t hide it anymore, I have fallen more than I could have ever imagined.”_

 

_“I really can’t help but fall in love with you, Kim Jongin. And now, I want nothing more than for you to forgive me and...” He stops as he walks toward the younger male, who is still crying, still covering his mouth with his delicate hands. “Hopefully I can hear a ‘yes,’ from you.”_

 

_He stops and drops the mike as he takes Jongin’s soft and delicate hand, marveling at how unlike his own more calloused and rough. Holding his slim hand in his, he kneels in front of the younger male. “Will you be my boyfriend, Jongin?”_

 

 

“Jongin, I know I've fucked up a lot. I didn't understand _you_ and probably caused you pain when _I_ was the one to promise you to keep you safe. B-but, I've realized a lot during the past months and when I tried to deny it again, those _idiots_ helped me… but I-I just want you to forgive me and accept me. Will you?” Silence followed his words and for a moment Sehun thinks that it's possible to hear the breaking of one’s heart. Jongin's eyes shed more tears and with each passing seconds, he feels more of a douche than anything or anyone else. Because _he_ was the one who caused this _beautiful being_ pain. When _he_ was the one who promised him not to.

 

Jongin takes his hand back, a little gently, but it feels so harsh to Sehun’s heart that he almost cries then and there _but_ then Jongin intertwines their fingers and smiles. Sehun has heard a saying — _“nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.” —_ and Jongin’s smile proves it right.

 

“Y-yes. I will be your… _boyfriend_.”

 

Yes, it's true that their journey until this day wasn't a fairytale, but as Sehun kisses Jongin breathless he swears, he _is_ going to make it a fairytale for _both of them._

* * *

 


End file.
